Premonitions

YES I know it's all in God's hands and YES I know he controls everything, but honestly, this is terrifying.

It's happened before...with dear, sweet Ray (although for him, that was a WONDERFUL thing to leave his wheelchair-bound body and make his entrance in Heaven and meet the One he loved so dearly when he was on earth) and then, I'm not sure if this counts, but a pet. I know the feeling. It pulls and nags at me, and it won't go away. And now, it's back.....

What, oh what should I do? What CAN I do??? If I tell him will he resort to the Christian part of him, and say well it's all in God's hands? Or will I ruin the rest of his life, whether it be shorter if I'm right or longer then the longest age if I'm wrong?

And what if I'm right? What if he does die?

How can I live with that?

Will I ever know if he even liked me? Could I ask one of his friends? He gossips. Heck knows he does. But will they tell me? Or will they lie, because they don't want me to live with the hurt that I wasn't good enough and that I never, ever will be? How can I know if they're telling the truth???

Why do I have so many questions?

Why. What if. Why why why WHY. WHAT IF.





I hate this....